Dating Chinese Women – The Phone Number Conundrum

When you’re out and about in China, don’t be surprised if girls come up to you and ask for your phone number. Guys do it, too. That’s a little disconcerting, but is a product of the general kudos that comes with having foreign ‘friends,’ especially in the smaller towns and cities where it’s more of a novelty.

Take it in your stride and don’t get too excited. The phone number thing can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings. In Western culture, if a girl comes up and asks for your number, or even better, gives you hers, you could be forgiven for thinking you’d be onto a winner. Otherwise, she wouldn’t give you her number, right?

Wrong.

It’s not that simple in China. Most things aren’t that simple in China. There are huge cultural differences.

Let’s, for example, say that you are out walking one afternoon, meet a woman, make a bit of small talk and exchange phone numbers. You might go home and send her a text message. The odds are, she won’t reply.

Yeah, she might be busy, so you leave it a day or two and text her again.

No reply.

If she is especially hot, or you are especially desperate, you might try one more time.

Still no reply.

It’s at this point that most Western guys give up, because in our culture if a girl doesn’t reply to your messages she isn’t interested.

Not necessarily so in China.

There, they value patience and persistence much more than western girls do. If you ask Chinese couples to tell you how they met, it’s not unusual to hear slightly creepy tales of overly possessive behaviour and what, to our Western minds, sound a lot like stalking. One girl I know told me that her then-boyfriend won her over by standing outside her dormitory every night and following her whenever she went out. In the end, she just gave in and ‘accepted’ his love, whereas most Western women probably would have called the police.

If you concede defeat the girl will conclude you didn’t really like her much anyway, otherwise you wouldn’t have given up so easily.

Get it?

Extracted from the book Dating Chinese Women: Tips, Tricks & Techniques. Available in ebook and paperback NOW

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Meeting Anna – A Chinese Love Story

One afternoon I was having lunch with a student in the school canteen, when I spotted a girl in a pretty yellow dress. I watched her for a while from a distance. She was fascinating. She was quite tall, slim, and moved with the kind of graceful finesse you only ever see in dancers. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“What are you looking at?” asked the student I was with.

“That girl,” I replied, wistfully. “She’s beautiful.”

“Which one?” he said, craning his neck. “I don’t see her.”

“She’s right there, in a yellow dress.”

“That one?” he asked, standing up and unashamedly pointing a finger.

“Yes.”

“Not beautiful,” he said, sitting back down. “What’s wrong with you?”

The conventional Chinese idea of beauty is very different to the western idea. To be considered attractive to Chinese guys, girls have to fulfil certain criteria. They should have big eyes, a small nose, high cheekbones, narrow jaw, and fair skin, and there is quite a lot of pressure on girls to tick as many of those boxes as they can. During my time in China, I was faced with more than one girl crying on my shoulder because she thought her eyes were too small.

That said, at least the student knew what he was looking for in a girl. When he asked me to describe my idea of beauty, I had no answer. Instead I just nodded at the girl in the yellow dress and said, “She’s fit.”

“If you like her,” he said, “Go ask her phone number. With face like that, she’s definitely single.”

That was a damning verdict if I ever heard one. It had a lot to do with the language barrier. He was trying gamely to communicate in something other than his native language. But the Chinese in general can be quite abrupt and pragmatic when they want to be. There’s very little room for niceties. The challenge also put me in a bad position as I’d spent the past hour giving the kid a motivational speech about being brave and going after what he wanted in life. I’d left myself no other option but to pull myself together and strut over.

I caught the girl just as she was leaving. Stepping into my confident shoes I introduced myself and asked for her phone number. The girl looked shocked and bewildered. For one awful moment, I thought she was going to run for the door.

“Mine?” she said, looking around.

“Yes. Yours.”

“But I never talk to foreigner before.”

“Cool. I can be your first.”

Her English name was Anna, and she was from Inner Mongolia, studying at a university in Tianjin, a city just north of Beijing. She was in town visiting her friend, and my student had been right, she was single.

We exchanged a few messages over the next couple of days and she came back to Beijing the following weekend, this time to see me. We went for a curry at a restaurant on one of the top levels of the U Centre, a shiny new shopping mall in Wudaokou. It was the first time she’d ever tried Indian food. In fact, it was probably the first time she’d tried anything else other than Chinese food. Anna was blessed with a childlike innocence it was hard not to like, and her enthusiasm knew no bounds. When she looked at me, her eyes would widen and everything I said or did was, “Very interesting!”

At the end of the evening I walked her to her friend’s place where she was staying, thanked her for her time and turned to walk away. Then I heard her call my name and turned around.

“I miss you,” she said.

“You can’t miss me,” I replied, a little confused. “I haven’t even gone yet.”

“I want to see your apartment.”

I tried to do the right thing and dissuade her. Honest. I had plans to meet Phil and Dave, the other foreign teachers, at a nearby bar for a drink that night. But she was adamant. They say it’s the quiet ones you need to watch, and in this case ‘they’ were right. The moment we were through the door, she was tugging at my jeans.

I have a theory about this. I think Chinese society is so restrictive that a lot of people feel they have to rebel against it, though not in an overt way because that would draw attention to them, so they contain themselves until opportunities like this arise. Then, with all the pent-up tension and frustration, all hell breaks loose and they over-compensate. Within minutes, Anna had my cock in her mouth and was slurping at it greedily.

And that was when Phil and Dave decided to call.

I did what anyone else would probably have done, and let the phone ring. Fuck it.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” asked Anna, through a mouth full of cock.

“It can wait.”

“Answer it.”

I answered it. Then proceeded to have a very awkward conversation with Phil and Dave about why I couldn’t meet them.

“Tell them what I doing to you,” Anna said, looking up at me.

“Are you sure?”

“Tell them.”

“I can’t come out because a girl I met in the canteen is giving me a blow job.”

“Fuck off!”

“Seriously.”

It soon became apparent that Anna wasn’t so innocent, after all. She loved sex, and had a penchant for doing it in public places. The more risqué the better. In the coming weeks we did it in at least two public parks and next to the lake at the Summer Palace, which I’m pretty sure is a crime punishable by death. She just undid my flies, hitched up her dress, and sat on me while I was relaxing on a bench.

One day, she asked me what the worst word in the English language was. I thought about it for a while, then decided ‘cunt’ was about as bad as it gets and told her what it meant. A few weeks later, she sent possibly the most disturbing text message I’ve ever received in my life.

MY HONEY, TODAY I AM NOT FEEL SO GOOD. MY CUNT IS BLEEDING.

Wow.

Extracted from the #1 Amazon Bestseller Yellow Fever: Love & Sex in China, out now on ebook and paperback.

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Top Tips for Dating Chinese Women

1: To make a good impression, always be polite and respectful – open doors, pull her chair out for her in the restaurant, let her choose from the menu first, etc.

2: Be attentive, and ask her questions about herself. Even if you aren’t generally interested, fake it.

3: Dress smartly and look presentable.

4: Wear aftershave

5: Steer the conversation towards your assets – your house, car, earnings, savings, etc.

6: Know the basics about Chinese culture, and learn at least a few words or phrases to show you are willing to make the effort.

7: Be positive, and never openly criticize your family. The family unit is very important in Chinese culture, don’t disrespect it.

8: Don’t put pressure on her. Let things move at her pace, which will probably be a lot slower than you are used to.

9: That said, remember the onus is on you to take the lead. Expect to be forced to break through a wall of token resistance.

10: Impress her. She likely has many potential suitors. Stand out from the crowd. Luckily for you, being a foreigner, that part is effectively done for you.

11: Try to display some of the qualities she likes; kindness, responsibility, and a good sense of humour are top of the list.

Extracted from the book Dating Chinese Women: Tips, Tricks & Techniques. Available in ebook and paperback NOW

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Interview with Alex Coverdale – Part 1

Here’s an idea. Let’s do an interview. Only I’m going to interview myself. A bit weird? Possibly. But nobody else can do it because nobody knows who I really am. Plus, I can ask the really personal questions everyone else would probably be afraid to ask. I’m going to post this interview in four parts, on the first of each month.

First up, lets address the elephant in the room, the books, and the message.

Why do you use a pseudonym when you write?

I don’t. I write more under my real name, I just write different stuff. In my other existence I’m a freelance writer. Often, that means I’m little more than a glorified office drone. More exciting assignments might see me interview a footballer or a UFC fighter for a magazine or go on a press trip somewhere exotic, otherwise I might be chained to my desk writing product descriptions for Chinese websites. I take on a lot of ghost writing jobs on the side, and edit other people’s books for them when required to do so. I also have a third identity under which I write fiction.

Which of these three personas do you like most?

That’s hard to say. They are all reliant on each other, like three sides of a triangle. Office Drone Me probably takes up more of my time, which is okay because he brings the most money in. Horror fiction is little more than a guilty pleasure. It’s my release. Alex Coverdale definitely has the most fun.

Which AC book is your favourite?

That’s impossible to answer. I’ve done three so far, and they each have a special place in my heart. Yellow Fever – Love & Sex in China was the first and, to be honest, the most successful so far. It also took the longest to write, over two years. Judging from the comments I’ve had, my latest book, Dating Chinese Women – Tips, Tricks & Techniques, caters for the same market.

How are the books received?

Very well. I like to think I’m showing people that they can do these things, too, and live this life. It’s not hard. International travel is much more achievable than it has ever been before. If you plan things well, and are willing to be flexible, you can travel anywhere in the world for a few hundred pounds. The main obstacle is in your own mind. It’s much easier to stay in your dead end job, or your boring relationship, than it is to take charge of your life and do something life-changing.

Do the books get any criticism?

Not by anyone who has actually read them. One or two people might see the blurb and jump to conclusions. One idiot saw an ad for Yellow Fever and said something like I was enforcing the negative stereotype about western guys abroad. What’s negative about it? We like to drink and chase girls. The same as guys do all over the world, regardless of where they are from. Why shy away from it? Even adhering to stereotypes is such a dated concept, and the fact that this guy thinks in those terms probably says much more about him than it does about me.

How would you answer those who might label Alex Coverdale ‘misogynistic?’

I’d tell those people to go find out what that word really means. No, wait, I’ll save you the trouble. The definition is, ‘Strongly prejudice against women.’ And anyone who has read my books will know that’s not true. I love women. I probably love them too much!

Dating Chinese Women – Tips, Tricks & Techniques, is out now on ebook and paperback.

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NEW RELEASE – DATING CHINESE WOMEN

From the #1 Amazon Bestselling author of Yellow Fever: Love & Sex in China and Thailand: 27 Days of Sin comes this MUST HAVE for anyone planning on visiting China, pursuing Chinese women, or those simply interested in the dynamics of cross-cultural or mixed-race relationships.

Chinese women are among the most desirable in the world and their love for Western men is well-documented. Yet for so many, they remain unattainable. Not any more. This indispensable book will teach you all you need to know about dating Chinese women – how to find them, how to approach them, how to get them into bed, how to form lasting relationships, and perhaps most importantly, what they want from you.

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Dating Chinese Women: Tips, Tricks & Techniques. Available in ebook and paperback NOW!